Leavin' On a Jet Plane...

When I came to South Korea, I planned on staying for 2 years. I knew I'd have some ups and downs adjusting to this place, but I decided that, unless something really outrageous happened, I'd stick it out. Unfortunately, I'm heading home to the U.S. in a couple of weeks. No, nothing crazy happened. Well, nothing REALLY crazy happened. Here, lemme tell you what went down... It's a long story, so you might want to get a snack.

See, what had happened was...

I notified my main co-teacher (my single point of contact person, SPOC from now on) in November that my daughter was graduating from graduate school in May, and that I really needed to be there. I let her know what the date of the graduation was, and that it was in NYC. Her (SPOC's) response was, "Oh, sure! Of course you have to go to that! No problem! We'll work it out." OK, cool!

Now, this impending graduation was brought up at LEAST once a month by one of us. We had mini discussions about bringing back souvenirs for her, taking lots of pictures of NYC to share when I got back, etc. In January, when I was planning my winter vacation break with her, I asked if I should save some of my vacation days to use in May, when I would really need them for the graduation, and she said, "No. Don't worry about that, take your days now. You'll have more for the summer." OK, cool. At the end of March, my sister had a baby. SPOC's comments surrounding the birth and the copious picture-showing I was doing was, "Oh! Will your sister also go to the graduation so you can see the baby? You have to see him when you go back for the graduation." So on and so forth. Suffice it to say, it was NOT a situation in which she could have forgotten. I think I've also demonstrated that there was no hint in her responses and such to make one believe that the visit home might hit a hiccup. Well, get the water ready, because we're about to hit some major hiccups...

So, in the beginning of April, I find a flight home and right before I bought my plane ticket, I wanted to clear the exact dates that I would need to be gone with her (SPOC). So I tell her that I'm going to need to be gone 3 school days because, duh, America's on the other side of the globe and a day behind, and it takes time to get there and back. THAT'S when she started getting all shifty-eyed and hemming and hawing and looking at the calendar and what-not. Then she says the words to me that, I swear to this day I cannot believe I didn't go all HAM on her for. She says, "Well, let me check with the Vice Principal." WHAT??!?!

I swear, I think I blacked out for a second. My heart dropped, and the room got dark. In my mind, it did, anyway. I would swear to that. Now, if you have any non-professional experience with me, or social dealings with me at all, you know I have a foul mouth. I absolutely delight in dropping the F-bomb. It's seriously like a valve release. I need it. It is ONLY by the grace of some higher power that I didn't scream out, "WTF are you talking about, 'check with the Vice Principal?' Your @SS didn't do that already??! Like, oooh, I don't know, back in NOVEMBER WHEN I FIRST BROUGHT IT UP TO YOU!!!?!?!????!?!?" But, miraculously, I didn't. Instead I just said, "Uh, Ooookaay." And I had pretty much made up my mind that it didn't matter to me WHAT the VP said, I was going to go anyway, because everything was planned and this was not my F up. I did, however, reiterate that I can use vacation days from the summer that I had coming to me. I even offered to take the days unpaid.

I put off buying a plane ticket because I needed to know whether to buy a round trip ticket or a one way. So the next day, I had to ask SPOC what the deal was with the VP (not a good sign), and she said that he said 'no', but that if I wanted to go the week before, THAT would be fine because we have school vacation days the week before (it's 'sports day' at school, then Buddha's birthday and we have the following Monday off as well). OK, it was a concession I'm aware he didn't have to make. I appreciated it, I really did. The problem with that is, I don't have the authority to change a university's graduation day. I mean, if I could wield that kind of power, I'd put it to better use. You know, like I'd have millions of dollars in my bank account and I'd be sipping tropical drinks from a coconut on a beach somewhere with Dewayne Johnson and Vin Diesel while Djimon Hounsou and Leo DiCaprio took turns rubbing my back! I told her that I HAD to go, and that I would be left with no other alternative but to resign. To her credit, SPOC seemed truly upset. She also said that she was going to go over my contract to see if there was any way she could finagle it. An effort I appreciated, even though I felt it was the least she could do, considering.

The next day (a Friday), I arrive at school to find the VP in the office waiting for me. Oh, great! He tells me, with a little too much of a spring in his step if you ask me, that I cannot go to the graduation. I swiftly inform him that, with all due respect, I WILL be going, and that I will be forced, then, to resign. He seemed genuinely shocked. (What is with these people? Did they really think I would choose them over my daughter??) And that was that. Or so I thought. After the VP left, SPOC and the other teacher in my office informed me that they would take it to the Principal and see if anything could be done. I said 'OK', but I didn't hold out much hope. I was really upset. I love my students and I wanted to stay, but I figured a 'no', was a 'no'.

Over the weekend, I started to get a little scared. I had told SPOC I would stay until I was originally planning to go, May 23rd. But what made me uncomfortable was the feeling that these were not people to really count on. My trust was gone. I kept having visions of going into work one day and being told that they canceled my visa and that I had to leave the country that night. Or, that I'd get to the airport and be detained because it was canceled and I had been in the country illegally. So I emailed the EPIK people (the people that hired me) that Sunday to advise them of the situation and ask about just that - my visa - and how that would be handled.

Monday comes along and I go to work. SPOC comes in all excited and tells me that she spoke to the Principal and he says I CAN go and come back to my job. It seems there's a clause in the contract that states that if you are an outstanding teacher, you're entitled to an additional 5 days of vacation. I was told that they all agreed that I WAS an outstanding teacher, and therefore I can go! The only thing is that he wants me to buy a round trip ticket to prove that I'm coming back. (I found out later that some teachers would leave and never come back, and he was concerned about that happening). Yippeee!! OK, no problem! I buy a round trip ticket and I'm doing my "happy dance" all over the office. It was a good day.

Then Tuesday rolls around... SPOC asks me if I called EPIK. I said no, but told her that I did email them Sunday because, at the time, I thought I was going to have to resign, and I had questions about my visa. She looks shell-shocked, so I ask why. She informs me that EPIK got the Superintendent involved and HE says I definitely cannot go and come back. And that is the final answer. Therefore I DO need to resign.

Remember that round trip ticket I bought the day before? Yeah, I almost went cuckoo-bananas AGAIN! "Dey IS a God, Ms. Celie!" The only thing that saved my reputation is the fact that I bought it on Orbitz and the difference between a round trip and a one way (arriving at the same time) was negligible.

By this time, I was fed up. I still wanted to stay for my students' sake, but I was beginning to be glad about getting away from such shoddy 'professional' dealings. I mean, come on!! I started adjusting to the idea of coming back home, and looking forward to it. Now, the time can't come soon enough.

It might be fair to point out that, during all of this crap, America was deep in the grips of hearing about a possible war between North and South Korea. I also heard, after the fact, that 5 teachers in my city left without warning because they were afraid of getting stuck in a warring country away from their families. That MAY have affected the higher-ups' decision-making in my situation. Who can say?

I should also note, that the other teachers have been wonderful! Many have come up to me and expressed their regret about the situation. They couldn't be nicer, which is...well, nice. The hard part, though, will be when the students find out. They don't know yet, and I've toyed with the idea of simply not telling them. But I can't do that. I can't just "up and vanish like a fart in the wind". That would be wrong. And they, more than anyone, deserve an explanation. Damn! I love these kids! I know I'm gonna cry, and I don't cry pretty like Halle Berry. I "ugly cry". Ugh.

So, there it is... I AM coming home, Dear Reader, via NYC, because I AM going to see my daughter graduate! I can't wait to see her! And my new nephew! And the rest of my family! And YOU, if we know each other! Happy Hour, anyone?

Take care,
Monica

Twitter: Monica@dngrslyrelaxed
Instagram & Keek: dangerouslyrelaxed

Things That Make You Go, "EEWWW!"

So it dawned on me last night that all of my posts, thus far, have made S. Korea out to be a seeming Shangri La. That is no more the case than anywhere else in the world. If you spend enough time in one place, there are bound to be things that piss you off. And there are many things that irritate me about this country. But I'll save those for another post. THIS one, I wanna tell you about the Top 5 things that I think are gross, and that, seriously, make me go, "EEWWW!".

Before I start, I have to give the obligatory disclaimer:

"These observances, that shall be named forthwith, are my opinion only. My opinion is based, solely, on my cultural (American) background and MY experiences in S. Korea. I fully understand that there are several American customs/traditions that Koreans find equally disturbing. I, Monica -AKA DangerouslyRelaxed, fully understand that I am in a different culture from my own, and therefore accept the differences, even though I don't like them and still think they're nasty. It is not my intention to offend anyone, but if I do, too bad."

There. I feel better. Now on with the post (in no particular order):

1. "The Bathroom Situation" - Look, I knew about this one before I came here, but I just wasn't fully prepared. Nor do I think I could have been without ever having had this experience before in life. Look at these two pictures:

One is a "flat-on-its-back" style of urinal, the other is a westernized toilet (although it has a heated seat, which I find to be AMAZING!). But, do you notice anything else? The red buckets with white balled up paper in them, perhaps? Yep, it's what you think it is...it's toilet paper! Now, I heard, ONCE, of a woman who told her kids to throw out their toilet paper because she had crappy (pun intended) pipes, and the kids used too much paper, thereby creating a plumbing issue. But I have NEVER heard of, or seen, this as a common practice. Here, it isn't only common, it's expected, and all but required. And these pictures were taken before the buckets filled to over-flowing (which I have seen on multiple occasions). Now picture, if you will: the floor is wet (as it so often is), the red bucket is full, and it's HOT in the bathroom. Can you imagine the smell? Can you imagine the stomach-churning stuff to be seen IN the bucket? Mmm hmm. It's gross!
*FYI: I flush the t.p. in my apartment. I try to at school, however the damnable toilets ALWAYS back up. But I do it anyway when I have to...ahem...you know!

2. "The Bathroom Situation, Part 2" - You know how you feel when you're, say...out to dinner and you use the restroom, and while YOU'RE washing your hands, you see some heifer woman come out of the stall and head straight out the door? Yeah...multiply that by a lot! If, while in America, I've seen that happen maybe...10% of  the time, here that number jumps to at least 70%! If you add THAT to the times I've seen, in the presence of abundant soap, women simple give their fingertips a quick wiggle through a stream of water, that number jumps to 90%! At least! And my co-teachers wonder why, even after washing my hands, I slather on the PocketBac 10 times a day! Oh! and...there are no paper towels, or air drying machines. Just one dirty, manky-looking towel - for everyone to share! No. No I don't. (Update: the towel has gone missing. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that it jumped down and wandered off on its own. It was THAT nasty).

3. "No Coverage" - This one not ONLY creeps me out, it makes my blood boil as well... No one covers their mouths around here! You know as children, we (Americans) were all taught to cover our mouths when we coughed or sneezed. I even remember several elementary teachers pushing that ideology when I was little. Not here...uhn-uhn...no way. Almost NO ONE covers their mouths. They'll be a foot away from you, talking to you, and sneeze or cough just right out into the air! "Um, I'm BREATHING here, for Christ's sake!" Now, SOME of them will have the decency to turn their face away from you when they do it, but not all. Yes, I've been coughed on. Mostly by students, but they don't get a pass because I teach high school. These kids are 15-16 years old (in American years)! I have a fit, but they think it's amusing. I am not amused. I'm disgusted and pissed off!

4. "Sir Hock-A-Lot" - If you know me really well, you'll know that I hate that sound we make when we sniff in snot. You know, that sudden inhalation of air through your nose that's intended to aid in your swallowing of mucus and such. I HATE that sound. Everyone does it from time to time (myself included), but I hate it. But what I hate MORE is the sound one makes when 'hocking a loogie' and the resultant gunk that is shot out of one's mouth. That is a sound that will INSTANTLY turn my stomach, and make my greedy behind lose my appetite (for ANYTHING)! And I hear both sounds, and see the evidence of it everywhere. Seriously, EVERYWHERE. I hear it periodically all night long from people outside, and in the morning, I look like I'm playing hopscotch walking to school. What? I'm not going to, knowingly, step in that mess!! No WONDER they take their shoes off when they enter the house!! Damn straight!

 5. "You Mean I Don't Get My Own?" - Here's another one I knew about before I got here, but it still bothers me a little. I'm sorry, it's really kind of gross... Food is brought out in a series of side dishes and platters and everyone at the table eats off/out of the same plates of food. Now, I'll share all day long with my daughter, a man in my life, and a few close family members, but I don't really wanna be swapping spit and germs with anyone else. Especially strangers! Especially strangers that don't wash their hands, cover their mouths, and hock loogies all day long! But while it creeps me out, I'm forced to do it from time to time, and I'm fine. But it still gives me the creeping willies, I can't lie.

OK, there you have it Dear Reader! My first pissy blog post about S. Korea. It won't be my last - trust me. But what can I say, I was feeling this today! :-D

Take care,
Monica
Twitter: Monica@dngrslyrelaxed
Instagram & Keek:dangerouslyrelaxed

My Favorite Part of the Day...

As a teacher, and as someone who loves teaching, I guess I'm supposed to say that my favorite part of the day is when I can see that light bulb go on in a student's eye. You know, that moment when I get confirmation that this child has actually learned something I'm teaching him/her. Not so. Don't get me wrong, those moments are AMAZING! But they don't happen every day (much to my chagrin). Therefore, my favorite part of every, single day is LUNCH TIME!

For my friends living in the States, you're probably thinking, 'What the Hell are you talking about, Monica??!?", because you're remembering OUR school lunches. Those bland, tasteless, pre-packaged and pre-frozen abominations the lunch ladies would aggressively slop onto our trays. Ooooh, friends...that is NOT how it's done here in S. Korea!

While there are times when a portion of the tray contains something processed, like chicken nuggets, or mini corn dogs, for the most part, this stuff is fresh and cooked on-site by a hard-working, slightly harried clutch of lunch ladies that make the ones in the States look like slackers. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE lunch ladies in the States as well...I love everyone who feeds me. But I have never seen them haul ass like these ladies.

As you can see in the pictures I have, the lunches here are, while slightly nonsensical in their pairings (to my western mind), fresh, piping hot, and really quite healthy. And yes, rice is served every, single day. Oh! One confession... I took these pics over a month ago, so I may have forgotten what some of these things are, and I have NO idea what the Korean names for these dishes are - never did. But here we go... always using a 12 o'clock starting point, moving clockwise...

Meat loaf concoction with rice cake balls and veggies in it; some spicy potato side; spicy soup with Spam chunks, cabbage, and lots of other veggies; rice; and a spicy soy bean sprout salad.

Chicken wings (my fave part, which is the middle, 2-boned section); kimchi; spicy green onion soup; bibimbap (rice covered in veggies and a spicy sauce); 1/2 an orange.

Baked fish (FULL of bones = too much work, esp. with chopsticks! But it's good, so I make the effort); kimchi; really spicy fish soup with kimchi and veggies in it; rice w/ some kind of purple bean sprinkled throughout; mandu (dumplings filled with delicious pork and noodles).

Steamed egg loaded with veggies (SO good!); that portion is empty cuz I HATE the spicy radish stuff, which you can see on the tray next to mine; really good and really spicy soup with pork neckbones, potatoes, onions and other veg; rice; processed seafood cakes with really good tartar sauce on the side.

Little seafood cake 'nuggets'; kimchi (rouge seafood cake on top); soup with tofu (YUCK), thin radish slices (I like them this way), green onions and seaweed; jjim dak (spicy chicken stew) over rice; empty-prob because there were more of those damned spicy radishes!

Baked fish (a veritable bounty of bones included); those lil nasty radishes AGAIN (they must have REALLY been in season); spicy soup with Spam, kimchi, tofu and onions; rice with a lot of those purple beans in them, a packet of nori (for the rice); omelette with veggies galore.

So there you have it, a SMALL sample of the goodies we are served for lunch. And please believe me when I tell you this is a SMALL representation. The menu is largely dominated by what's in season, and it's always made fresh in the cafeteria every day. Oh! And, for teachers at least, it's served buffet style, so you can go back and get extras of anything you want! Awesomeness!

I know some of you are thinking, "Ick! I'd never eat HALF of that stuff!", and that's ok. You don't have to like it. I've always been pretty adventurous with food, and I'm greedy, which means I'll try most things at least once. So, to me, these meals are delicious, and I don't have to cook them! Woot! Woot! :-)

Thanks for reading!!
Monica
Twitter: Monica@dngrslyrelaxed
Instagram: dangerouslyrelaxed (nothing, and I mean, NOTHING is on this right now. Soon, I promise! Same thing with Keek: DangerosulyRelaxed. Soon...

P.S. I know this post should have been up a month ago. I deeply apologize, and will endeavour to never let this kind of time lapse happen again in between posts. April proved to be a "Ramotional" time for me here. I'll fill you in on all the details in a couple of weeks. Take care! xoxo

Food, Glorious Food!

Another thing I’m frequently asked about is the food here in South Korea. A few things about the food: 1. In general, it IS spicy. While I’ve found that, most times, they try to achieve that “umami” thing for balance of flavors, whereby a dish has all the different flavors your tongue can distinguish (i.e. sweet, salty, bitter, sour), it’s also, oftentimes, spicy. The range can be mild to … hell, I don’t even know because I don’t eat stuff that spicy. Once my nose starts seriously running, I’m done. Suffice it to say, most foods here are spicy. However, I am a chicken when it comes to spice and I have found most of it really good and easy to eat. 2. Meals here tend to be seriously veggie rich. You will find veggies in practically EVERYTHING. And if it’s not IN a dish, most of the multitude of side dishes you get will be nothing but vegetables. 3. The side dishes…they’re called ‘banchan’ and there are a TON of them! They’re literally small bowls or plates of different things like spinach, bean sprouts, kimchi, veggie pancakes (jeon), a noodle dish (japchae), some greenery that looks like rosemary, but isn’t quite, salad, … the list could go on and on, trust me. Usually, the nicer the restaurant, or the bigger the occasion, the more banchan they serve. It can be quite a challenge not to fill up on the sides before the main dish is served! 4. Rice is served with EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. And if, by some small chance, you order something and rice is NOT served with it, you best believe it’s only because rice is IN it somewhere. And, 5. They don’t eat ‘breakfast’ foods here. Whatever you’d eat for lunch or dinner IS breakfast. No eggs, sausage (or GASP, BACON!), toast, etc. The traditional breakfast here is the exact same meal one would get at any other time of the day. You can buy breakfast foods (with varying degrees of difficulty), but don’t think you’re going to the local restaurant and getting an Eat ‘n’ Park kind of breakfast. Ummm, no.

That aside, I have to say I’m enjoying the food by and large. I tend to be greedy and adventurous (food-wise) anyway, so for those that know me well, it shouldn’t come as any surprise. I will try just about anything at least once. Just about. I’m thinking about that time in my local grocery store when the nice man that works there tried to offer me Beondegi, which is boiled and salted silk worm larvae. Hell to the no. It looked like a pot full of headless, legless roaches and it smelled like it looked. But I’ve eaten many other things I thought I would never put into my mouth and it’s usually been good. I’ve eaten blowfish, jellyfish, this dish consisting of baby anchovies, nuts, and honey (it’s good!), octopus, tofu, sundae – which is this sausage-shaped casing with noodles, liver and animal blood in it, chicken feet, and on and on. I know, I know…it all sounds disgusting, but most of it is pretty good. I didn’t like tofu and octopus when I tried them in the States, and I still don’t like them, no matter how many different ways I’ve had them served. And the ‘chicken feet’ incident (which it will now be called), couldn’t be helped because I had NO idea what I was ordering – all the menu said was chicken. I couldn’t get past the texture, I’m sorry … I tried.

Anyway, I suck at remembering to take pictures, but I have a few I’ve taken of some of the food I’ve eaten, and one I collected from a source on the internet. I hope you enjoy! J

 An ‘end of winter camp’ feast with my students: the dark, brownish/grey stuff is sundae, there is also gimbap (looks like sushi – not my fave), the orange stuff is doekk bokki, the green stuff towards the bottom is pajeon (green onion pancake), and the tan-ish stuff above the doekk bokki is mandu (dumplings stuffed with pork and veg.). Oh! And the bright yellow stuff sandwiched between the drinks is pickled daikon radish – not my fave, either. The other side of the table is the same stuff.

 Homemade doekk bokki (dense, chewy, rice cake cylinders in spicy sauce – I added onions too. It’s good stuff!)

                                         Left to right: sweet pumpkin, sweet & sour pork.

                     Top: kimchi, middle: japchae (glass noodles & veg), bottom: jellyfish and veg. Notice the silver   canisters? That's rice. Told ya!

 Center: steamed fish stew (mm mm good!), left of center: tofu studded with black sesame seeds, bottom: regular salad, top left: remnants of another salad, top right: I think that’s fried veggies.

Center: main dish of mixed seafood in spicy pepper sauce with bean sprouts (yes, there were whole shrimp in there, head and all!). 

A different pic of the banchan from a dinner I went to. Clockwise: kimchi, fried veg, sweet and sour pork.

Beondegi (I mean, REALLY??? UGH!) (Picture courtesy of http://www.streetbonersandtvcarnage.com)

One of my favorites: Sanji- a noodle dish (and I mean this is like a pound of pasta!) in a fishy broth topped with nori, green onions, spinach, sesame seeds, and kimchi. This is seriously good!

So, as you can see, I’m not starving. The next post will be a “School Lunch” edition. Aaah, school lunch! My favorite part of the day….

Take care, everyone!

The Kindness of Strangers

Unlike Blanche, in A Streetcar Named Desire, I have never really depended on the kindness of strangers. Before. Now, it seems I do. Quite a bit. I thought, before my plane touched down, that I would be greeted at the gate by a banner and loads of people looking for me. That was not to be. So there I was, shoving two immense rolling suitcases around the airport, not knowing where to go, or to whom I should announce my presence. That was the first time I encountered a certain breed of kindness found here in South Korea. A taxi driver helped me find an information booth to get the aid I needed. I found my party and all was well. No big deal, right? I agree, but that was just the beginning.

A few weeks later I was getting money out of the ATM machine at my bank (after hours), when the machine ate my card. I panicked. I needed money, and the bank was closed. One little “Oh no!” exclamation from me and the other eight people in the vestibule instantly rallied and made such a ruckus that the security guard went around back and retrieved my card.

Then there was the time I was meeting another American teacher downtown and got turned around and was lost. Before I could panic, an older lady called me over to her stand and gave me directions to the place I needed to be. She must have seen the abject horror on my face.

I could tell several more of these kinds of stories: The students who let me cut the line in front of them at a food stand after school; a neighbor, Mr. Kim, greeting me with a broad smile and ushering me into his store to meet his family and have a vitamin drink; the lady at the convenience store who FED me some sticky, sweet rice treat she made, and when I indicated they were good, she gave me a huge handful of them in a bag to take home (for free); the shop girl who walked me to an ATM and waited for me to come out of the vestibule so she could walk me back to familiar surroundings (yep, that happened).

And these instances are completely separate and apart from all of the freebies I get when I go shopping. I get handfuls of samples from just about everywhere I go. So many, in fact, I gave many of them away to my daughter on a recent visit home. Free pop at a restaurant? No problem. A whole cake just for delivering a good lesson in front of the principal? Yep.  It is truly amazing.

I wish I could say everyone is treated like this in South Korea, but apparently, that’s not the case. A Korean co-teacher of mine said she NEVER gets free stuff when she goes shopping. I was shocked. So then, what’s the deal, you ask? Good PR. South Korea wants people to speak kindly of her, it seems. Yes, when I go home, it is this country’s wish that I expound on all of the wonderful treatment I received at her hands. Now, I have to be honest, I’m appreciative. They could not give a crap and treat us foreigners like dirt. But it takes the shine off of the situation a bit. I mean, it’s all for show. It’s a sham of sorts, a ruse…mendacity (one of my favorite words), a mask. So what does the real Korea look like? You know, to a Korean? I have no clue. Not knowing the language kind of takes me out of the game. But I do know what I observe, and that is “business as usual”. Service workers are efficient and polite enough, but they’re not bending over backwards to help out their fellow countrymen and women. Then again, Koreans don’t typically require the kind of help I do. Depending on the store, Koreans MAY get a freebie here and there, but I sure as heck don’t see them being loaded down with samples and free treats. But I must say that I also don’t observe them being overtly rude to each other, either. I guess it’s just the way it goes here.

 To be truthful, it can be kind of embarrassing. I’ve tried to decline politely, but it doesn’t work. They tend to look genuinely hurt if you don’t accept. So what do I do? I take the bag, bow my head, say “Gam sa hap ni da” (thank you), and keep it moving. I mean, it’s free! Wouldn’t you do the same?

*Next week I’m going to start adding some pictures whenever I can. It’ll make things a bit more interesting, I think. Take care!

“I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me”

I watched a lot of Youtube videos from people teaching in South Korea before I came here, so I was pretty cognizant of the fact that I would be stared at. But Holy HELL!

See, there isn’t much diversity here. If I had to make a pretty educated guess, I’d say 1% diversity. That means, in a country of 50+ million people, half of one million people are foreigners (foreigners = non-Korean nationals). But, wait…here’s the rub: more than half of those people are of Korean ancestry – so they look Korean, even if they grew up elsewhere.  Now I’m sure that brings with it its own set of problems, but I can’t speak to that.  What I’m taking forever to get to is that people who don’t look Korean are few and far between. Yeah, near the military bases, you see a lot more foreigners, and in the bigger cities, like Daegu (where I am), you see a decent amount in the downtown area. Oh, and by the way, a ‘decent’ amount is like an average of 10. Ten people who are clearly not Korean during an entire, hours-long wander around the downtown area. Not too many. And just so you know, Daegu is the 3^rd largest city in the whole of South Korea. So I’m not talking about a city the equivalent of a “hick town” in the USA. There are over 2.5 million people in Daegu. And downtown is literally TEEMING with people. I’m sure I’d see more if I frequented the foreigner bars, but I don’t. That ship has sailed for me a looong time ago.

 But I digress… My point is that, in a hugely homogeneous country, I don’t fit in.  I get stared at… a lot. I mean, A LOT, a lot. Like, every time I leave my apartment I get stared at several times by many different people. I have had older Korean men and women literally stop in their tracks, mid-sentence, to stare at me. I have had people driving their cars slow down to stare at me (yes, the car was still moving, and no, they were not watching the road). When I’m on the bus, bus drivers have stared at me through the rearview mirror while they should be driving the bus, and let me tell you, they’re scary enough drivers when they ARE paying attention! Teenagers and younger, school-aged kids do it with a smirk I didn’t understand at first. Then one of them works up the courage to say “Hello”, and I realized they seem to get a thrill out of  speaking English to a native speaker, and well, showing off around their friends. What completely surprises me, though, is that small children don’t stare at me. In my country, toddlers are NOTORIOUS for staring a person down if they look the slightest bit different, but not here it seems. At least, it seems this way to me.  And I must tell you, this staring that’s going on is in NO way malicious or threatening. It is simple curiosity. It’s even almost done with a sense of wonderment. Like, “Well, hey! Look at that! A foreigner!”  I have never had anyone hurl mean-sounding words in my direction (not that I’d know what they meant, but I’m just saying).

Back to the beginning so I can wrap this up… I knew before I came here I would get stared at, and I’m generally OK with it. I know I’m a foreigner and that there are simply not enough of us for that novelty to have worn off yet. I mean, I can go DAYS without seeing another foreigner, myself. I watched one particular video in which the girl said she has fun with it. She fixes herself up so that she looks good and when all the stares start, she pretends she’s a model on a catwalk. I like that. Usually I have my headphones in and am in my own little world. But sometimes I pretend I’m a celebrity and that I know exactly how Halle Berry must feel. Hey, it’s fun…and whatever you need to do to cope, you do it, right? Because I have to tell you, there ARE times when I’m not in the mood. Times when I just want to be anonymous. Times when I miss my hometown and my family and friends and don’t want to be here anymore.  Times when it’s early and I’m tired and the SAME old people stare at me as I walk past just like they do EVERY morning, and I want to scream. But mostly, I have the urge to start dancing right there in the middle of the street and really give them a show – you know, a REASON for staring. But I don’t. I take a deep breath and remind myself how lucky I was to grow up in a country with a ton of diversity, and I feel a little sorry for them. And besides, I’m sort of repping the United States…I can’t go around acting a fool now, can I?

Why Korea?

So, the question I get asked most frequently – bar none – is “Why Korea?” And on some level, I knew I’d be asked this question, but I had no idea just how often. The short answer is that I needed a job. Let me back up a minute and fill you in on the details…well, some of the details. This is NOT a space in which I will lay out every step of the process of coming to Korea to teach, there are enough of those blogs/YT videos as it is, and my process was the exact same as all of those people. No, here I’ll just give you the general thought process and mental machinations that went into MY decision to some to South Korea to teach.

I hated my job. HATED. MY. JOB. There’s no need to tell you where I worked, or what I did for a living before becoming a teacher, it’s really irrelevant. So, I went back to school to become an English teacher. I love reading and I love talking to people about great books, so I figured it was a no-brainer. OK, so I finished school…and grad school…and the second grad school program (What? Hey, I was a working mom, I had to take a circuitous route to get here). So there I was, fresh out of school with nowhere to go. I was also in a marriage I wanted out of, so I started looking into other countries in which to teach. Now, I knew I wouldn’t be teaching the kind of English I had in mind when I was in college, but that didn’t matter too much to me. I just wanted out. Initially I wanted (and, secretly I STILL want) to go to Abu Dhabi to teach, but found out I needed at least 2 years of full-time teaching experience, and I just didn’t have it. South Korea kept popping up, much to my chagrin. See, I didn’t want to come to South Korea. I, like so many Americans, was more than a little worried about North Korean aggression, strange foods, a language I didn’t have a clue about (nor any desire to learn), and well… it wasn’t Abu Dhabi. You know how it is when you’re stuck on an idea and then you find that it’s not going to happen. You’re a bit pissed, right? Pouty? A smidge indignant? No?? Just me, huh? OK, well anyway… it took a long time for me to wrap my head around South Korea and accept that this was where I would have to start my journey. Eventually I got to that place and after MUCH hoop-jumping, I got here. 

Now, I know I was asked why I wanted to come to Korea during my interview with EPIK, but I honestly cannot tell you what I said. Something generic, probably, like “It’s a beautiful, hospitable country with a climate similar to what I’m used to”. And while that is true, I’m finding it’s not the answer Koreans who ask me that question warm to.  When I go in with that generic answer, I get a blankish stare and a mild head-nodding gesture that begs me to continue. So I stumble and hem and haw for an answer that makes them smile and lets me off the hook. They seem to like hearing that their students lead the way academically,  are hard-working and respectful, and that this is a place I’ve always wanted to visit. Now while the first 2 reasons are accurate, I’ve just told you that that last reason is the furthest thing from the truth, but it got a good response the first time it tumbled out of my mouth, so like a Pavlovian dog, I trot it out when in a bind. And I’ve had to trot it out MULTIPLE times. Other native English teachers during orientation have asked me. Every single class I have has asked me that question. So has every Korean teacher I’ve met that can speak English. The lady who owns the noodle shop near my apartment has even asked me via my English to Korean language app on my phone.  And I get it. I completely get it. They are proud of their country and want me to do a little bragging about it. We Americans are the same way, as I’m sure are inhabitants of other countries. Especially since I’m teaching their kids! No one wants to hear a teacher say, “Well, I’m just doing my time until I can get into the country with the more stringent rules for their teachers.” No.

But what having to answer this question multiple times has made me do is to really THINK about my reasons for being here. Yes, I am here to gain valuable in-class, full-time teaching experience. Yes, I have the privilege of molding young minds. Yes, I plan to read and write a lot while I’m here. Yes, I get a chance to see a bit of the world. But why else? Do I have any other reasons? Do I need any others?  The answer is that I just don’t know yet. I’ve been here for 6 months now, and I’m no closer to having an answer to that question than the day I left the States. I’m guessing it’ll be one of those “hind-sight” deals. And that’s ok.

I write all of this to say to you that I’m still figuring it out. I also write all of this to try to drive the point home that this is not going to be one of those, “I love K-pop and have always been enamored of Asian/Korean culture” blogs, either. If that’s your thing, more power to you, but it’s not where I’m coming from. I thought it time that I documented some of my experiences here, good and bad, now that I’ve passed through all the stages of culture shock. I hope that it will give you, Dear Reader, a fair and accurate depiction of MY life here. Some of it is pretty freaking great, some of it is definitely not. Sometimes it may seem like I’m crafting blog posts while sitting on a mountaintop bathed in dappled sunlight while cherry blossom petals and fairies flit about my head. Sometimes I will be quite the curmudgeon. Hey, I’m human. But about my final point, let me be abundantly clear:  while Korea may not have been my first choice, I am very grateful to have this opportunity. This IS a beautiful and hospitable country. I love my students, and you know what? They ARE some of the brightest, sweetest, and most respectful kids I’ve ever met.