Leavin' On a Jet Plane...

When I came to South Korea, I planned on staying for 2 years. I knew I'd have some ups and downs adjusting to this place, but I decided that, unless something really outrageous happened, I'd stick it out. Unfortunately, I'm heading home to the U.S. in a couple of weeks. No, nothing crazy happened. Well, nothing REALLY crazy happened. Here, lemme tell you what went down... It's a long story, so you might want to get a snack.

See, what had happened was...

I notified my main co-teacher (my single point of contact person, SPOC from now on) in November that my daughter was graduating from graduate school in May, and that I really needed to be there. I let her know what the date of the graduation was, and that it was in NYC. Her (SPOC's) response was, "Oh, sure! Of course you have to go to that! No problem! We'll work it out." OK, cool!

Now, this impending graduation was brought up at LEAST once a month by one of us. We had mini discussions about bringing back souvenirs for her, taking lots of pictures of NYC to share when I got back, etc. In January, when I was planning my winter vacation break with her, I asked if I should save some of my vacation days to use in May, when I would really need them for the graduation, and she said, "No. Don't worry about that, take your days now. You'll have more for the summer." OK, cool. At the end of March, my sister had a baby. SPOC's comments surrounding the birth and the copious picture-showing I was doing was, "Oh! Will your sister also go to the graduation so you can see the baby? You have to see him when you go back for the graduation." So on and so forth. Suffice it to say, it was NOT a situation in which she could have forgotten. I think I've also demonstrated that there was no hint in her responses and such to make one believe that the visit home might hit a hiccup. Well, get the water ready, because we're about to hit some major hiccups...

So, in the beginning of April, I find a flight home and right before I bought my plane ticket, I wanted to clear the exact dates that I would need to be gone with her (SPOC). So I tell her that I'm going to need to be gone 3 school days because, duh, America's on the other side of the globe and a day behind, and it takes time to get there and back. THAT'S when she started getting all shifty-eyed and hemming and hawing and looking at the calendar and what-not. Then she says the words to me that, I swear to this day I cannot believe I didn't go all HAM on her for. She says, "Well, let me check with the Vice Principal." WHAT??!?!

I swear, I think I blacked out for a second. My heart dropped, and the room got dark. In my mind, it did, anyway. I would swear to that. Now, if you have any non-professional experience with me, or social dealings with me at all, you know I have a foul mouth. I absolutely delight in dropping the F-bomb. It's seriously like a valve release. I need it. It is ONLY by the grace of some higher power that I didn't scream out, "WTF are you talking about, 'check with the Vice Principal?' Your @SS didn't do that already??! Like, oooh, I don't know, back in NOVEMBER WHEN I FIRST BROUGHT IT UP TO YOU!!!?!?!????!?!?" But, miraculously, I didn't. Instead I just said, "Uh, Ooookaay." And I had pretty much made up my mind that it didn't matter to me WHAT the VP said, I was going to go anyway, because everything was planned and this was not my F up. I did, however, reiterate that I can use vacation days from the summer that I had coming to me. I even offered to take the days unpaid.

I put off buying a plane ticket because I needed to know whether to buy a round trip ticket or a one way. So the next day, I had to ask SPOC what the deal was with the VP (not a good sign), and she said that he said 'no', but that if I wanted to go the week before, THAT would be fine because we have school vacation days the week before (it's 'sports day' at school, then Buddha's birthday and we have the following Monday off as well). OK, it was a concession I'm aware he didn't have to make. I appreciated it, I really did. The problem with that is, I don't have the authority to change a university's graduation day. I mean, if I could wield that kind of power, I'd put it to better use. You know, like I'd have millions of dollars in my bank account and I'd be sipping tropical drinks from a coconut on a beach somewhere with Dewayne Johnson and Vin Diesel while Djimon Hounsou and Leo DiCaprio took turns rubbing my back! I told her that I HAD to go, and that I would be left with no other alternative but to resign. To her credit, SPOC seemed truly upset. She also said that she was going to go over my contract to see if there was any way she could finagle it. An effort I appreciated, even though I felt it was the least she could do, considering.

The next day (a Friday), I arrive at school to find the VP in the office waiting for me. Oh, great! He tells me, with a little too much of a spring in his step if you ask me, that I cannot go to the graduation. I swiftly inform him that, with all due respect, I WILL be going, and that I will be forced, then, to resign. He seemed genuinely shocked. (What is with these people? Did they really think I would choose them over my daughter??) And that was that. Or so I thought. After the VP left, SPOC and the other teacher in my office informed me that they would take it to the Principal and see if anything could be done. I said 'OK', but I didn't hold out much hope. I was really upset. I love my students and I wanted to stay, but I figured a 'no', was a 'no'.

Over the weekend, I started to get a little scared. I had told SPOC I would stay until I was originally planning to go, May 23rd. But what made me uncomfortable was the feeling that these were not people to really count on. My trust was gone. I kept having visions of going into work one day and being told that they canceled my visa and that I had to leave the country that night. Or, that I'd get to the airport and be detained because it was canceled and I had been in the country illegally. So I emailed the EPIK people (the people that hired me) that Sunday to advise them of the situation and ask about just that - my visa - and how that would be handled.

Monday comes along and I go to work. SPOC comes in all excited and tells me that she spoke to the Principal and he says I CAN go and come back to my job. It seems there's a clause in the contract that states that if you are an outstanding teacher, you're entitled to an additional 5 days of vacation. I was told that they all agreed that I WAS an outstanding teacher, and therefore I can go! The only thing is that he wants me to buy a round trip ticket to prove that I'm coming back. (I found out later that some teachers would leave and never come back, and he was concerned about that happening). Yippeee!! OK, no problem! I buy a round trip ticket and I'm doing my "happy dance" all over the office. It was a good day.

Then Tuesday rolls around... SPOC asks me if I called EPIK. I said no, but told her that I did email them Sunday because, at the time, I thought I was going to have to resign, and I had questions about my visa. She looks shell-shocked, so I ask why. She informs me that EPIK got the Superintendent involved and HE says I definitely cannot go and come back. And that is the final answer. Therefore I DO need to resign.

Remember that round trip ticket I bought the day before? Yeah, I almost went cuckoo-bananas AGAIN! "Dey IS a God, Ms. Celie!" The only thing that saved my reputation is the fact that I bought it on Orbitz and the difference between a round trip and a one way (arriving at the same time) was negligible.

By this time, I was fed up. I still wanted to stay for my students' sake, but I was beginning to be glad about getting away from such shoddy 'professional' dealings. I mean, come on!! I started adjusting to the idea of coming back home, and looking forward to it. Now, the time can't come soon enough.

It might be fair to point out that, during all of this crap, America was deep in the grips of hearing about a possible war between North and South Korea. I also heard, after the fact, that 5 teachers in my city left without warning because they were afraid of getting stuck in a warring country away from their families. That MAY have affected the higher-ups' decision-making in my situation. Who can say?

I should also note, that the other teachers have been wonderful! Many have come up to me and expressed their regret about the situation. They couldn't be nicer, which is...well, nice. The hard part, though, will be when the students find out. They don't know yet, and I've toyed with the idea of simply not telling them. But I can't do that. I can't just "up and vanish like a fart in the wind". That would be wrong. And they, more than anyone, deserve an explanation. Damn! I love these kids! I know I'm gonna cry, and I don't cry pretty like Halle Berry. I "ugly cry". Ugh.

So, there it is... I AM coming home, Dear Reader, via NYC, because I AM going to see my daughter graduate! I can't wait to see her! And my new nephew! And the rest of my family! And YOU, if we know each other! Happy Hour, anyone?

Take care,
Monica

Twitter: Monica@dngrslyrelaxed
Instagram & Keek: dangerouslyrelaxed

Things That Make You Go, "EEWWW!"

So it dawned on me last night that all of my posts, thus far, have made S. Korea out to be a seeming Shangri La. That is no more the case than anywhere else in the world. If you spend enough time in one place, there are bound to be things that piss you off. And there are many things that irritate me about this country. But I'll save those for another post. THIS one, I wanna tell you about the Top 5 things that I think are gross, and that, seriously, make me go, "EEWWW!".

Before I start, I have to give the obligatory disclaimer:

"These observances, that shall be named forthwith, are my opinion only. My opinion is based, solely, on my cultural (American) background and MY experiences in S. Korea. I fully understand that there are several American customs/traditions that Koreans find equally disturbing. I, Monica -AKA DangerouslyRelaxed, fully understand that I am in a different culture from my own, and therefore accept the differences, even though I don't like them and still think they're nasty. It is not my intention to offend anyone, but if I do, too bad."

There. I feel better. Now on with the post (in no particular order):

1. "The Bathroom Situation" - Look, I knew about this one before I came here, but I just wasn't fully prepared. Nor do I think I could have been without ever having had this experience before in life. Look at these two pictures:

One is a "flat-on-its-back" style of urinal, the other is a westernized toilet (although it has a heated seat, which I find to be AMAZING!). But, do you notice anything else? The red buckets with white balled up paper in them, perhaps? Yep, it's what you think it is...it's toilet paper! Now, I heard, ONCE, of a woman who told her kids to throw out their toilet paper because she had crappy (pun intended) pipes, and the kids used too much paper, thereby creating a plumbing issue. But I have NEVER heard of, or seen, this as a common practice. Here, it isn't only common, it's expected, and all but required. And these pictures were taken before the buckets filled to over-flowing (which I have seen on multiple occasions). Now picture, if you will: the floor is wet (as it so often is), the red bucket is full, and it's HOT in the bathroom. Can you imagine the smell? Can you imagine the stomach-churning stuff to be seen IN the bucket? Mmm hmm. It's gross!
*FYI: I flush the t.p. in my apartment. I try to at school, however the damnable toilets ALWAYS back up. But I do it anyway when I have to...ahem...you know!

2. "The Bathroom Situation, Part 2" - You know how you feel when you're, say...out to dinner and you use the restroom, and while YOU'RE washing your hands, you see some heifer woman come out of the stall and head straight out the door? Yeah...multiply that by a lot! If, while in America, I've seen that happen maybe...10% of  the time, here that number jumps to at least 70%! If you add THAT to the times I've seen, in the presence of abundant soap, women simple give their fingertips a quick wiggle through a stream of water, that number jumps to 90%! At least! And my co-teachers wonder why, even after washing my hands, I slather on the PocketBac 10 times a day! Oh! and...there are no paper towels, or air drying machines. Just one dirty, manky-looking towel - for everyone to share! No. No I don't. (Update: the towel has gone missing. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that it jumped down and wandered off on its own. It was THAT nasty).

3. "No Coverage" - This one not ONLY creeps me out, it makes my blood boil as well... No one covers their mouths around here! You know as children, we (Americans) were all taught to cover our mouths when we coughed or sneezed. I even remember several elementary teachers pushing that ideology when I was little. Not here...uhn-uhn...no way. Almost NO ONE covers their mouths. They'll be a foot away from you, talking to you, and sneeze or cough just right out into the air! "Um, I'm BREATHING here, for Christ's sake!" Now, SOME of them will have the decency to turn their face away from you when they do it, but not all. Yes, I've been coughed on. Mostly by students, but they don't get a pass because I teach high school. These kids are 15-16 years old (in American years)! I have a fit, but they think it's amusing. I am not amused. I'm disgusted and pissed off!

4. "Sir Hock-A-Lot" - If you know me really well, you'll know that I hate that sound we make when we sniff in snot. You know, that sudden inhalation of air through your nose that's intended to aid in your swallowing of mucus and such. I HATE that sound. Everyone does it from time to time (myself included), but I hate it. But what I hate MORE is the sound one makes when 'hocking a loogie' and the resultant gunk that is shot out of one's mouth. That is a sound that will INSTANTLY turn my stomach, and make my greedy behind lose my appetite (for ANYTHING)! And I hear both sounds, and see the evidence of it everywhere. Seriously, EVERYWHERE. I hear it periodically all night long from people outside, and in the morning, I look like I'm playing hopscotch walking to school. What? I'm not going to, knowingly, step in that mess!! No WONDER they take their shoes off when they enter the house!! Damn straight!

 5. "You Mean I Don't Get My Own?" - Here's another one I knew about before I got here, but it still bothers me a little. I'm sorry, it's really kind of gross... Food is brought out in a series of side dishes and platters and everyone at the table eats off/out of the same plates of food. Now, I'll share all day long with my daughter, a man in my life, and a few close family members, but I don't really wanna be swapping spit and germs with anyone else. Especially strangers! Especially strangers that don't wash their hands, cover their mouths, and hock loogies all day long! But while it creeps me out, I'm forced to do it from time to time, and I'm fine. But it still gives me the creeping willies, I can't lie.

OK, there you have it Dear Reader! My first pissy blog post about S. Korea. It won't be my last - trust me. But what can I say, I was feeling this today! :-D

Take care,
Monica
Twitter: Monica@dngrslyrelaxed
Instagram & Keek:dangerouslyrelaxed